I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
