Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
