And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
