Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
