do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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