i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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