Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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