You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
