woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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