I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My life is pants optional.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
