Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
