you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
