Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
