Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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