So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to calm my uterus...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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