I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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