saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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