No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
