last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
