Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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