He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
