I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
