my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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