He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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