i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
