i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
