New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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