threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
