And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
