he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i think my cat just said my name.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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