I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me