i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.