I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off