I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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