In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3