My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
