i think i have herpe
just one?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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