dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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