So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
