i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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