this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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