well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
