I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
