Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We had sex on a dog bed..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I want a musical about memes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
