She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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