Fine. I'll sleep in my office
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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