I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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