My girlfriend figured out who you are.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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