i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
