he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
