i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
