Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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