I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
