I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
