He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
did i walk over a car last night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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