The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
