the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
