Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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