I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
