There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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