I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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