Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
