I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
