haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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