I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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