if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
