My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
