what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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