It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Shame - the story of my life.
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