I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize