she was so not down for the gang bang
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
