well I can't set my house on fire every night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
