She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
