i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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