So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
